The Only Reliable "Hack" I've Ever Found to Reduce Anxiety

The Weight of Silent Self-Dismissal

Have you ever been in a conversation, whether at work, at a family gathering, or even with friends, and felt like you had something valuable to add?

But instead of speaking up, you shrink back.

You rationalize it away: It’s probably not that important, or Everyone already knows this, or The moment has passed. 

Before you know it, the silence lingers, and you’re left wondering, Why didn’t I just say it? 

It’s a quiet kind of anxiety—one that doesn’t show up like a full-blown panic attack but settles in like a heavy weight.

Over time, you stop even noticing how often it happens.

That voice inside keeps telling you that what you have to say doesn’t matter, that it’s irrelevant, or that no one will care.

And it becomes so automatic, so ingrained, that you stop recognizing the impact it has on your own sense of self.

You end up dismissing yourself before anyone else gets the chance to.

And the pain isn’t just in missing the chance to speak—it’s in the quiet hurt of belittling your own voice.

The Exhaustion of Trying to “Fix” It Yourself

I’ve been there. I’ve tried everything. I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of self-help books, followed influencers who swear they’ve cracked the code to self-worth, and even tried the five-second rule (you know the one: “Just do it, don’t think about it!”). 

I’ve meditated, I’ve practiced mindfulness, I’ve even gone to one-off (very expensive!) performance coaching sessions.

And sure, in the short term, they felt like they might work. For a second, I thought, “Okay, this might be it.”

But then the old patterns crept back. The rationalizing. The dismissing. The fear. Nothing seemed to really stick.

It was like putting a band-aid on a wound that needed stitches.

Experiential Moments: A Better Way to Reduce Anxiety

So, what did work?

You might be disappointed reading this but it wasn’t any of those quick fixes.

It wasn’t about drilling into myself to “not care what others think.”

It wasn’t about gaining more knowledge, more insight, or more affirmations.

No, the only reliable “hack” I’ve ever found to reduce this specific anxiety came when I started working with someone—someone who sat with me, someone who really saw me.

It wasn’t about sitting down for an educational session or learning a new theory.

It was about experiential instances.

Moments when I was in the thick of avoiding my feelings—hiding, rationalizing, justifying—and someone else could see it.

And instead of just letting me stay in that comfortable, numb place, they knew when to nudge me.

When to ask just the right questions to get me to stop avoiding what I was feeling. When to push, when to pull back, and when to let the discomfort sit—just long enough for me to really feel it.

Not to rush through it, but to live through it.

Building the Muscle of Self-Belief

And you know what?

It worked. Slowly, and over time, I started to believe my voice mattered. I stopped second-guessing myself. I stopped assuming that my thoughts were irrelevant.

I started to speak up, even if my stomach was doing flips, even if the fear was still there.

I started to feel the strange, wonderful sensation of saying something and it being okay.

No, not just okay—empowering.

My thoughts and feelings were no longer just fleeting whispers in my head; they were worth sharing, worth hearing.

The Takeaway: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If any of this resonates with you, if you’ve found yourself in that endless cycle of dismissing yourself, beating yourself up for not speaking up, and rationalizing your worth away, you don’t have to do it alone anymore.

Therapy can help you create a space to experience these moments of truth, where someone can sit with you, support you, and challenge you—helping you rebuild that muscle of self-belief that maybe feels a little worn out right now.

If you’re ready to stop hiding, to stop rationalizing your voice away, and to start showing up as the real, powerful person you are, let’s talk.

When the time feels right for you, let’s create some of those experiential moments together.

You deserve to feel seen, heard, and worthy of taking up space in this world.

Let's chat!

Step into your own story.

• How often do you dismiss your own thoughts or feelings without even realizing it until the moment passes? What do you think that’s costing you?

• What would change in your life if you stopped rationalizing away your worth and started speaking up for what you believe in?