The Three Pillars That Guide My Work as a Therapist (and why AI is not a threat)
- Kate Winkler
- Aug 14, 2025
- 2 min read
Therapy isn’t just a conversation.
It’s a structure, a relationship, and sometimes, a collision.
My work rests on three principles that algorithms can’t offer, shaping how you relate to yourself and others, session after session.
1. The frame matters more than you think.
Therapy is not an “on demand” service, and that’s intentional.
Sessions happen at a predetermined time, in a predetermined space, with a predetermined fee.
Those limits aren’t a convenience issue, they’re part of the work.
Unless you’re an infant (or a dictator), the world does not attend to your needs the moment you have them.
And yet, most of us still hope, consciously or not, that people will.
This hope that others will soothe your distress, and the disappointment when it’s not met, shows up everywhere: with your husband, boss, doctor and customer service.
In therapy, you practice something different. You wait. You know when your next session is, and you hold your anger, sadness, tension, excitement until then. And in that waiting you learn how to contain those feelings without dumping them on someone else or making them go underground.
2. Misunderstanding and conflict are not failures, they’re the work.
Every single person I’ve ever worked with struggles, in some way, to navigate conflict or disconnection with others. It’s part of being human.
When you feel misunderstood, disappointed, or even irritated with your therapist, that’s not a sign therapy is broken.
That’s a signal we’ve hit an important moment. Those moments give us the chance to slow down, notice what’s happening, and explore how you respond when you feel pushed away, unseen, or unheard.
Do you retreat? Do you get sharp and defensive? Do you try to smooth things over quickly so the other person won’t be upset?
In real life, these moments often push people apart.
In therapy, they’re an opportunity to practice staying connected, even when it’s uncomfortable.
3. The relationship is The Therapy.
What I feel toward someone in a session isn’t random, and it’s not just “my stuff.”
It’s often a direct reflection of how other people in their life have responded to them.
The way you relate to me in the room, the subtle cues, the ways you pull closer or push away, shape how I (and others) feel and respond to you. And those responses give us information you can’t get from a worksheet or a pep talk.
If I notice myself feeling dismissed in a session, I might get curious about whether other people in your life feel dismissed, too, and how that plays out for you. If I feel unusually protective of you, we might wonder whether others have seen you as fragile, and how that’s shaped your sense of yourself.
In my work, therapy is built within a consistent frame, strengthened by working through disconnection, and informed by the living relationship between us.
If this is the kind of work you want to explore, I’d be glad to talk about what that could look like for you.
