Where There's "Safe Space," There's Very Little Therapy

When you hear about creating a "safe space" in therapy, it's worth pausing to consider what that really means.

Safe from what, exactly? Feeling judged, angry, misunderstood?

The concept of "safety" can vary widely across therapeutic approaches, but too often, it's used to imply that certain distressing emotions should be avoided or reduced to the minimum possible.

While well-intentioned, a focus on emotional "safety" might be antithetical to the therapeutic process and benefits.

I'd argue that a better use of the 50 minutes is for you to be engaged, not safe.

Dodging difficult feelings in therapy is like leaving the most valuable treasures behind in a chest you're too afraid to open.

Engaging With Discomfort Is Where the Gold Is

Therapy is not an escape from challenging emotions - it's a training ground for tolerating them.

The strategy you learned to avoid intolerable feelings is the dragon guarding your greatest treasures. 

Facing these "dragons" with the support of an attuned therapist can lead to breakthrough self-awareness and restorative experiences.

Validation gives you the strength to confront your fears and the protection to weather the battle.

With a therapist who can recognize and validate your entire emotional spectrum, you'll feel empowered to bring anything and everything to the surface - your anger, your sorrows, your fears, your shame.

You Can't Avoid Judgment - Even in Therapy

A "judgment-free" therapy room is a fantasy.

A therapist's attempt not to react negatively to a patient is like trying to hold one's breath indefinitely.

An insightful therapist notices their reactions to you - especially when you're avoiding, minimizing, and deflecting.

They use these insights to nudge you toward your growth edge, where it's significantly less "safe."

So the next time you find yourself seeking a "safe space," whether in therapy or elsewhere in life, ask yourself: What does safety mean to me in this context? Is it truly serving my growth, or just helping me hide?

You may find that a space that challenges you is ultimately safer than one that lets you stay small.