The Anxiety Trap: Three Stories That Keep You in a Relationship That’s Already Over

I know you’re standing on the edge, trying to hold it all together.

You’re gripping this relationship so tightly, afraid that if you let go, everything will unravel.

But what if the truth is, you’re already emotionally alone in this relationship? What if you’ve been carrying the weight of a love that’s no longer there, desperately trying to make it work with someone who isn’t invested?

I see you.

You’ve been clinging to this relationship because it feels like survival.

You’re doing everything you can to keep him. I know you’re afraid of losing him. I know you’re afraid of what that would mean for you, for everything you’ve built.

And deep down, there’s that whisper, that thought that maybe you’ve just got to try a little harder, do a little more, and it’ll be enough.

You’re not just fighting for the relationship.

You’re fighting to feel worthy. To matter. To be loved.

Let me walk you through a few stories you might be telling yourself about this relationship—and why, just maybe, it’s time to rethink them.

The Destiny Story: We Are Meant to Be Together

This one’s probably close to your heart—the idea that you and he are somehow bound by fate.

That the two of you are destined to be together, like you were brought together for some greater purpose, some cosmic mission.

Maybe you think that the love you share, the struggles you’ve been through together, are part of a bigger plan to heal one another.

I get it. It’s comforting to believe that.

It feels like it gives everything meaning, a reason to keep going. But sometimes, what feels like destiny is really just anxiety wrapped up in a comforting story, a way to avoid facing the painful truth of letting go.

Fear of being alone, fear of loss, and fear of facing the truth that maybe you’ve been holding on for the wrong reasons.

It feels like if you let go of him, you’re letting go of something bigger.

But you can’t force a future that doesn’t want to happen.

The Savior Story: I Can Fix Him

This one feels so familiar, doesn’t it?

You’ve convinced yourself that you are the one who can fix him.

You see him as lost, confused, and in need of guidance.

You think if you just show him the right way, the love you offer him will “snap him out of it.”

It’s easy to fall into this trap.

It’s easy to distort the things he says—to twist his words and actions to fit your narrative of needing to “save” him.

When he tells you he’s unsure, you turn that into I can make him sure again. I can make him

love me like he used to.

But here’s the hard truth: This anxiety about losing him drives you to mold yourself into someone you’re not. You’re bending yourself into someone else’s idea of who they need, and in doing so, you’re losing touch with who you really are.

You’re wearing a mask made of glass—what looks strong and perfect on the outside is fragile and easy to shatter..

The Loss Story: If He Leaves, I’ll Die

This one cuts the deepest.

The fear that if he walks away, it will be like the ground disappearing beneath your feet.

That without him, you will fall into an abyss of sorrow and despair, and nothing will ever be the same.

I hear you. That fear of abandonment, the fear of being alone.

The anxiety of loss creeps in, making it feel like the end of the world.

But here’s what I want you to hear: The anxiety you feel around losing him doesn’t mean you’ll lose yourself.

Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you will grieve. But this pain? It’s not death. It’s pain. It will feel unbearable at times, but in time, it will fade.

The mind distorts the reality of loss.

It draws on past experiences of separation, maybe your father leaving, or the emotional isolation you saw in your mother’s marriage, and tells you that this will be the same.

But it’s not. You will rebuild. And in the process, you will discover that you are stronger than you ever knew.

The Anxiety Trap of Staying

So why are you still here, holding on, even after he’s told you he’s done?

That he met someone else. That he just wants to live as housemates for the sake of the kids (or the dogs). That he’s not attracted to you anymore.

You keep waiting for a sign that he’s not really gone.

And you’re still here—stuck in the emotional trap of staying, of clinging to the idea that you can make it work somehow.

But here’s what I want you to know: Sometimes breaking up means breaking up with the idea of what you thought the relationship should be.

It means choosing to love yourself enough to stop fighting for someone who doesn’t see your worth.

You’re not just holding onto him—you’re holding onto a story. And that story is preventing you from stepping into your own life, your own emotional freedom.

A Path Forward

I know you feel lost right now.

I know you feel like you’ve poured everything into this relationship, and you’ve lost yourself in the process.

You should know that your worth doesn’t come from anyone else.

It comes from within you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can begin to move on. It’s not going to happen overnight, but slowly, little by little, you can start to reclaim yourself.

It’s not about fixing a relationship, it’s about choosing you.

When You're Ready to Let Go

Take a moment. Breathe.

Think about what it would feel like to choose yourself, to stop clinging to a relationship that doesn't serve you.

It’s not an easy choice, but it’s one that will bring you back to yourself.

When you're ready, therapy can offer a space for you to ease the anxiety, and explore your feelings, your fears, and the wounds that have been holding you back.

You don’t have to face this alone. I believe in you, and I’m here when you’re ready to take that next step.

Let's chat!

Step into your own story.

• What would it feel like to let go of the belief that you have to fix the relationship to feel worthy of love?

• What makes you believe that staying in a relationship, no matter the cost, is the only way to feel safe and loved?