Overcoming Relationship Anxiety: How Therapy Helps You Stop Avoiding Emotional Connection

Daniel, 27, walked into his therapy session with his usual calm, almost detached demeanor.

He set his coffee cup on the table, and without much enthusiasm, said, “I’m good, just the same old stuff. Relationships drama... nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Would you like to say more about 'relationships drama?'” the therapist asked.

Daniel leaned back in his chair, avoiding eye contact. “Well, I’m not surprised it ended. We both kind of saw it coming. I mean, it’s just the way things go sometimes.” He paused and gave a small shrug, as if he could dismiss the emotional weight of the situation. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be, right?”

“It sounds like you’re explaining the end of the relationship, but not really telling me how it impacted you” the therapist observed.

Daniel shrugged, his eyes rolling slightly. “Oh, let me guess... You’re going to ask me how I feel about it, right?”

Silence.

Daniel hesitated, then shrugged again, still keeping a safe emotional distance. “Well, I mean, I’m fine. Really, it’s not a big deal. We both knew it was coming.”

“It seems like it is easier for you to explain the situation rather than feel the disappointment, or maybe the sadness of it ending” the therapist responded.

The Cost of Relationship Anxiety

As the sessions continued, it became clear that Daniel’s anxiety about emotional connection wasn’t just limited to his relationship with his therapist—it was reflected in how he connected with others in his life as well.

He often used rationalization as a way to avoid feeling vulnerable. When asked about the end of his relationship, Daniel preferred explaining the reasons behind it, rather than expressing the hurt or disappointment he likely felt.

“I can’t get upset about something that was inevitable,” Daniel would explain. “It was always going to end this way. It’s just what happens.” This was his way of keeping his emotions at arm’s length, even when it was clear that something more was going on beneath the surface.

In therapy, Daniel also relied heavily on sarcasm as a protective shield. Whenever the conversation got too close to his emotional core, he’d throw out a dismissive remark.

“Are you going to ask me how I feel about this breakup again?” he’d say, trying to deflect with humor. The sarcasm was his way of sidestepping any vulnerability, but it was also a sign of his deep discomfort with emotional connection.

Another recurring pattern was Daniel’s tendency to revert questions back to the therapist. Rather than exploring his own feelings or opening up about his perspective, Daniel would say “So, what do you make of it?” or “What’s your solution?” This allowed him to keep the focus on the therapist, rather than risking exposing his own emotions.

The therapist didn't just reflect these patterns to Daniel, she gave him the experience of how it impacted their connection. "Do you notice how you keep me from getting close to you to prevent me from helping you?" she would ask him.

Daniel started recognizing how these mechanisms were a way of protecting himself from the discomfort of emotional vulnerability.

The Power of Therapy in Building Emotional Connection

Through therapy, Daniel started to see the cost of his patterns. His rationalizations, sarcasm, and deflection weren’t just ways of coping—they were keeping him isolated, not only from his therapist but from others in his life.

Over time, Daniel began to trust the therapeutic relationship and allowed himself to feel the vulnerability that came with truly connecting emotionally. The therapist’s consistent support created a space for Daniel to work through the discomfort of emotional connection.

In doing so, he was able to challenge his defenses and open up more authentically, both in therapy and in his relationships.

Are You Protecting Yourself from Emotional Connection?

Do you find yourself rationalizing your emotions, using sarcasm, or deflecting with humor to avoid emotional connection? Maybe you struggle to answer questions about your feelings, or turn the focus onto others rather than exploring your own perspective. These are common patterns in those who experience relationship anxiety and fear of emotional vulnerability. Maybe your strategies are completely different.

Therapy can help you become more aware of how they affect your relationships and emotional well-being. By recognizing these patterns and having corrective experiences, you can begin to break free from self-sabotaging communication patterns and create more meaningful, connected relationships.

Call today to start unpacking the ways relationship anxiety shows up in your life and gain practical, insightful help to develop the emotional connection you’ve been craving.