“Am I Raising My Husband?” How Couples Therapy Can Fix the Mother-Child Dynamic

Have you ever felt like you’re raising your partner instead of building a life together? Megan did—and it was exhausting.”

During our first session, Megan didn’t hold back. “It feels like I’m the only one who cares about how our home looks,” she sighed. “I’m constantly picking up after Kevin, and when he does help, I have to redo everything because it’s not done right.”

Kevin shifted uncomfortably. “I’m trying, but nothing I do is good enough for her,” he said, frustration simmering beneath his calm tone.

They described how something as straightforward as house chores had become their biggest source of tension.

Megan felt Kevin’s approach was careless, while Kevin felt constantly judged.

“I’m tired of feeling like the only adult in the room,” Megan admitted. “It’s exhausting.”

Kevin added: “It’s like we’re always fighting over the same thing. Are we even meant to be together if we can’t get this right?”

Kevin (34) and Megan (33) had been dating for two years and were thinking about getting married. But before taking that step, they sought out relationship counseling to address these recurring conflicts.

Session Six of Couples Therapy: When Something Clicked

By the sixth premarital counseling session, we’d touched on their family histories and emotional triggers. But that day, something big surfaced.

Since they opted for online couples therapy, Megan and Kevin joined the session from separate screens.

Kevin signed in three minutes late, looking hesitant:

“So, yeah, can you remind me what we talked about last session?”

Megan’s expression tightened. “We talked about how it was with your mom growing up,” she replied, her voice clipped.

Kevin nodded slowly. “Oh yeah, and how she was never holding things against us.”

Megan’s eyes narrowed. “Well, you’re not six anymore.”

As she snapped those words, something clicked. It was the entire dynamic of their relationship playing out in real-time.

Kevin looked confused, almost apologetic, like he’d just been scolded. Megan seemed exasperated, as if she’d been carrying a burden for far too long.

I couldn’t help but wonder how often this same interaction happened at home, disguised as arguments about laundry or making the bed.

Megan, consciously or not, had taken on a managerial role, from asking that the dishwasher be emptied to summarizing the previous session. Kevin, meanwhile, slipped into a more passive role, waiting to be reminded, explained to, or directed.

How Couples Therapy Can Make the Change

In relationship counseling sessions, I help both partners become more aware of these emotional dynamics and learn new ways to connect and respond:

1. Tracking Emotional Shifts.

I pay close attention to tone, facial expressions, and body language, inviting partners to reflect on when frustration, disappointment, or withdrawal start creeping in. By noticing these emotional shifts early, couples can address conflict before it escalates.

2. Pausing and Checking In

I guide partners to slow down and check in with themselves and each other. When emotions are acknowledged early, couples can stay emotionally connected rather than shutting down or lashing out.

3. Practicing Conflict Resolution

By addressing emotional needs first, couples become better at staying curious and open toward one another—even when they don’t agree. This builds trust and prevents defensiveness or criticism.

A Different Approach

For Megan, learning to express frustration earlier would reduce the build-up of resentment.

In response to Kevin’s question, she could say, “It’s frustrating when you don’t remember what we talked about last session.” The build-up of her negative feelings might have started even earlier—when she was waiting for three minutes.

Managing a little anger early is easier than managing a LOT of anger later.

By naming her frustration directly, she avoids belittling. Kevin, in turn, would feel less attacked and more open to understanding.

Kevin could learn to better recognize Megan’s emotional shifts. He can notice her avoiding eye contact or offering clipped replies, he might say, “You stopped looking at me. Did I say something that upset you?”

Ready to Stop Having the Same Argument?

Are you tired of having the same fight—whether it’s about chores, money, or how to spend your free time? Do you feel helpless, resentful, or even unsure if you and your partner are truly compatible?

I can help. Couples therapy is about more than resolving isolated fights—it’s about breaking destructive patterns, improving conflict resolution, and restoring emotional connection.

I help couples like Megan and Kevin uncover what’s really driving their conflicts and guide them toward a more connected, resilient partnership.

If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck, or if you want to share what you and your partner argue about the most, contact me today for online or in-person couples therapy.

Let’s build the relationship you’ve always wanted—together.

Let's chat!

Step into your own story.

1. Do you find yourself avoiding certain topics or behaviors to prevent conflict? Consider what you’re holding back and how that affects your relationship dynamics.

2. How do you think your partner feels when conflicts arise? Try to imagine their perspective, including their fears or frustrations.

3. What would a balanced, connected partnership look like for you? Picture how your ideal dynamic would feel day-to-day, including how you and your partner would handle challenges.