How Long Will It Take to Fix My Relationship? (And Other Couples Counseling Questions You’re Dying to Ask)

When Danny called for his free consultation, he dove right in.

“My girlfriend and I fight about everything lately. Dishes, money, whose turn it is to pick the show on Netflix—you name it. I don’t know if we’re just stuck in a bad patch or if we’re fundamentally incompatible.”

After 10 minutes of describing the situation, Danny hit me with the big questions: “So, based on what I told you, how long will it take for things to get better? And do you think there’s hope for the relationship, or should we just break up?”

Danny’s questions are exactly what most couples want to know when they consider therapy.

And honestly? The answers aren’t black and white. Couples counseling is about navigating the gray areas of relationships, clarifying expectations, and opening up new ways of relating.

Let’s unpack some of the ideas you might have about couples counseling.

1. Couples counseling is only for relationships on the brink of collapse.

Couples counseling isn’t just for couples who are one argument away from calling it quits.

Think of it as regular maintenance for your relationship, like taking your car in for a tune-up.

Unfortunately, as a rule of thumb, most couples come to therapy when they’re overdue—when the engine light has been on for a while, and the car is making noises you’re trying to ignore.

But whether you’re in crisis mode or just looking to fine-tune your connection, therapy might help.

2. A therapist can tell you whether you should stay together.

Here’s the truth: it’s not my job to decide if your relationship is worth saving.

Every couple has different thresholds, standards, and expectations.

Some people stay together for love; others stay together because they really, really hate moving furniture.

My role is to help you understand your relationship with eyes wide open—how your actions and patterns affect each other—and guide you towards the decision that feels right for you.

3. One partner is usually the source of the issues in a relationship.

It might feel like all the problems stem from your partner, but relationships are rarely that simple.

It takes two to create patterns, and both people contribute—whether consciously or not.

Couples counseling helps uncover how those patterns form and, more importantly, how you can start changing them.

When both partners take responsibility for their role, even in small ways, it can lead to powerful shifts.

4. Therapy can make a significant change in a relationship.

Absolutely. Therapy can be a game-changer for couples.

It shifts how you communicate, makes you more aware of unhelpful patterns, and creates space to rekindle your connection.

It’s not magic, but it is a stable, structured environment to do the work—and it’s worth it.

5. Couples counseling takes time.

Therapy isn’t a quick fix.

It’s not like a weekend retreat where you come home transformed.

Real change takes time, consistency, and effort.

Most couples need more than a few sessions to untangle their issues, practice new ways of interacting, and rebuild trust or intimacy.

But when you commit to the process, the results can be long-lasting.

6. It might be too late for couples counseling.

This one is tough. Sometimes, by the time couples come to therapy, one or both partners have already emotionally checked out.

When that happens, counseling can feel more like a box to check off—proof that they “tried everything.”

I can usually sense this within a few sessions and will bring it up for you to discuss honestly.

But if both people are still willing to try, there’s often hope.

7. We can just find the answers on our own with self-help books or online resources.

There’s no shortage of Instagram quotes, podcasts, and books promising to fix your relationship.

And for some couples, those resources might spark change.

But there’s no substitute for having another person in the room—someone who balances the interaction, offers real-time feedback, and tailors advice to your unique personalities.

If self-help hasn’t worked, therapy might be the next step.

8. A positive change in the relationship can happen only if both partners agree to go to couples counseling.

Believe it or not, even if only one partner comes to therapy, it can create a ripple effect.

When one person gains clarity, self-awareness, and starts doing things differently, the dynamic shifts.

If your partner isn’t ready to join, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck.

Individual therapy can help you change the way you show up in the relationship—and sometimes, that’s enough to inspire change in the other person.

9. Couples counseling is only for married couples.

Nope. Whether you’re married, dating, cohabiting, or somewhere in between, couples counseling is for anyone who wants to work on their connection.

Whether you've been together for 30 years or 30 days, it’s not about your relationship status—it’s about your willingness to grow together.

10. A couples therapist can tell us if couples counseling is appropriate for us.

Yes! If you’ve been frustrated with therapy in the past or aren’t sure if couples counseling is what you need, give me a call.

We can talk through how you’ve been feeling lately, and I can help you figure out whether couples counseling—or something else—makes sense for your situation.

Let’s Talk About Your Relationship

Relationships are complicated. They’re messy, exhausting, beautiful, and sometimes downright confusing.

If you’re feeling stuck, you’re not alone—and you’re not failing.

If there’s something I didn’t touch on here or you still have questions about how therapy works, let’s talk.

Give me a call when it feels right for you.

Let's chat!